apology

So I know you can decide if you want to read this or not, but I'm going to write it anyway. :)

I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bringing up my crazy emotions. I'm sorry for being angry that you might not reciprocate my feelings. That wasn't fair to you. I honestly didn't think the last day would be what it was. It's not fair for me to bring up my feelings for you, although I didn't think that was going to happen the way it did.

There are many things I'm unsure about, some wants, and things that I AM sure of. I kind of what to list them so you can know where I'm coming from. I realize I'm probably talking too much about this, but I feel I owe it to you for all the times I didn't tell you how I felt.

What I'm unsure about:
*Who I am (this will be ever changing, and I will always be learning and growing...ideally.)
*My communication skills in the past. I don't think I was fair to you, I think I was stubborn, and I am sorry for ever hurting you. I hope you know I didn't want to hurt you. I know I handled situations in an immature and horrible way.

What I want:
*For us to get to a place where we can either truly be platonic friends or truly be together (romantically).
*I want you and I to have trust in whatever relationship we maintain, whether a romantic relationship or friendship.
* I want to be able to have open communication with you, and not run away from my fears or feelings and leave you hurting.

What I'm sure about:
* I love you. I love how you make me feel, and how I feel about myself when I am with you.
* I love who you are, the energy and kindness you bring to the world, the little things about you that make you this wonderful man.
* I have always loved you, I think I tried to ignore it during our "off" times, but it kept creeping back. I just need you to know that I have always loved you no matter what my fears or doubts were.
* You are my best friend. Don't laugh, but I know this is true. I want us to be in each other's lives no matter what kind of relationship we have.
* The kind of love that we have is rare . I know we will meet other people along the path of life, but I am sure that our interactions are the most wonderful I have ever experienced.
* I need to work on not running away from my fears or making split decisions on an extreme emotion.

I think that sums part of it up. I feel as confused as you in some ways. Why now? Why do I want to be with you now? I'm not sure I can answer that, but I think it was a feeling in my gut that just knew. It hit me that this is it. This is life and I want you. And if the timing isn't right I get it, you know I do. Maybe the timing will never be right, and I hope it is. For some reason it hit me knowing that I had to be willing to do the work in this relationship, too. That I can't run and hide when I have doubts, that I need to learn how to trust my partners again in knowing they will be there for me.

I'm not asking or begging you to give me another chance, because I know there were many times I told you I didn't think our timing was right.

I don't even feel like I said what I meant here, but I just wanted to write out my thoughts.

the choice is yours...

OR

slacking...

I've really been slacking on this blog! I think it's because we talk every day (myyy faultttt) and so subconsciously I feel like that's me blogging?

How was your show last night and gordon biersch?

Hope you had fun!!!

I'm SO excited to see the boston christmas tree lighting ceremony tonight!

MEMORIES

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbJ5GUdiBVo


"it's basically collection of tools for webmasters, surprise!"

hahahah best part of the whole 20 minutes!

huffles reunite!

Yo yo yo!

I just chatted with your brother zachary mauro d'angelo on facebook for a good 15 minutes today! :) I told him that I would relay the conversation but that I might forget a little since I'm a huffle!

He said he's having a lot lot lot of fun, and that the weather has been cooler and rainy. He loves the host mom (you probably know all this) and he's going to cook a thanksgiving FEAST for his host family next week! Although he is nervous since he's going to try to cook a turkey!?!? Then he gave me a link to a "so you think you can dance" parody which was really funny. He asked me about school and my classes and then I also told him I was going to see 'avenue q' and he was jealous. THEN I told him to watch "a very potter musical" hahaha because he NEEDS to.

And that benjamin denton d'angelo is your brother's life, in a nut shell.


happy thurrrsssdaayyy!

jazz...

is SO good. I am literally sitting at the library, looking at the city of boston out of my window, listening to tony Bennett. Could life get ANY better!?!?

hahah I love BETHANY!

Victoria tagged me in a note on facebook entitled "Bethany's Amazing Quote Archive".

And here it is:

11/16
"Yeah... that should say douchebaggery."
"I could wank, but I'm not going to."
"If you've ever met my mother... she's a freak." (Anna: In bed.)
"... It makes me want to take them out and then take myself out so I don't have to go to Jail.... because I have claustrophobia."
"I went to Harvard... so... I know stuff."

10/26
"Cecily O'Neill used to be big... now she's kind of faded away because of alcohol and sex... she was kind of a slut."

10/19
"And that's Metacognition. Uggghh, I used a Harvard Term. I hate myself. BLOW ME."
"Ruh-roh, Raggy!"

9/28
"The State requires you spend time with kids - it can be anything from nannying to predatory playground behavior."
"Kristi... I'm about to talk about something that conflicts with the administration. We're all about to get high! Just kidding. What am I, made of money?!"



hahah I love bethany!

taffeta wedding

So my dad needs one ticket for Saturday november 21st at 3 pm...is the best way to get this for him through the tabard website? Then I can just leave it for him at will call? let me know!

monday fun day

Yo yo yo,

how's life? How was rehearsal last night?

Today class was long, we had a visitor and she was cool. I'm trying to finalize my classes for next semester. I also am applying to a full-time teaching paid internship for next year (I could, potentially, assistant teach drama one semester and a regular 3rd or 4th grade class the other semester). Interviews for that are in january. Hahah I don't know why I'm telling you that, it just popped into my mind. I'm soooo excited to come home for Thanksgiving!

mmmmmm

Can you pounce on me next week?

boooo

Wow, I'm a bad friend, I forgot to POST yesterday! :)


So now that we aren't allowed to kiss (well, I'm most likely going to be breaking that rule), I've devised a list of things we can do during Thanksgiving break:


1) Go to the park and read Treasure Island
2) Go out to a nice dinner :)
3) Not kiss
4) play with radar?
5) See a movie at the Stanford theatre? (or wherever you want!)
6) Fun conversations


So you'll have to fill me in on how your show was last night (I'd call but a) not allowed and b) you are sleeping!)

Today I am walking over to the Children's Book shop to maybe apply for a job. I also sent an email to Sculler's jazz club to see if they are hiring for servers or something where I can listen to jazz. :) I also got a number for volunteering to be a STORYTELLER at the Brookline library. This excites me GREATLY. :)

Anyway I love you and hope you have a nice day! Maybe talk later? ;)

Nat King Cole "What'll I D"

What'll I do when you
Are far away
And I'm so blue,
What'll I do?


What'll I do when i
Am wondering who
Is kissing you,
What'll I do?


What'll I do with just
A photograph
To tell my troubles to?


When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true,
What'll I do?


~interlude~


When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true,
What'll I do?



You should listen to this song...it's so perty.! :)

craft time!

I forget if I told you this recently, but for my contemporary issues in education class my partner Sarah and I had to make a 3d visual art piece embodying the article we were assigned to read. Our article was "There is No Reason to Celebrate an Invasion" (about how Native Americans would never want to celebrate Columbus Day because it represents death, struggle, rape, etc etc), and HERE is the FINAL product:




It's so weird and not very abstract. It's basically tombstones with Native American tribe names on them, and then american flags and balloons dominating the area. The leaves in the "graveyard" represent how the Native American population is old and not taken care of.

See? I kind of CAN do crafts. But still, not really.

oahfoiarhfgoaerh

here are the other photos I forgot to put in the last entry! :)









Have a fannnntasssstic Friday!

Serious post :)

Okay actually I'm at rehearsal right now listening to this wonderfully funny Neil Simon one act and something popped into my head about us. I was thinking that I might show you a dvd of this production and thinking 'I really hope he LOVES it because it's so funny' and then I realized I ask a lot from you and maybe I don't live up to my end of the deal. I mean, I hated parts of "Plaid Tidings" and told you freely. I complain about actors you work with and my nerves regarding some of your friends but expect you to feel the same way about my friends as I do. I just feel like I am stubborn and I feel bad. I'm sorry. I promise that I will try to be more fair because sometimes I might not be (subconsciously, that is.). I want to be able to 'dish and take it' and let you critique me as much as you want. Please do!

Anyway, I love you.

I am happy we met. :)

Some favorite pictures!

I just went through my iphotos and found some GOOD ones!

Here are some of my favesssss:












and scene.

we've got magic to do...

just for you!

Dear BDD,

I just saw the WEIRDEST production of "Pippin!" It was SO. RIDICULOUS. Between the orgies onstage, the male semi-nudity, and the awkward intensity of the actors who were about 3 inches from my face at times, I wasn't reallly sure what was going on. I had to uncomfortably laugh out loud at the "tender" moments onstage.

blah blah blahhhhhhh

One thing I liked about the show was that I could relate to Pippin. The character is written to be constantly searching for satisfaction and fulfillment, which is exactly like me! I feel like every SECOND has to be memorable and meaningful or else I want to crawl into my bed and sulk... (ps this whole paragraph was about me and now I feel..SELFISH.)

Also how come the grass is always greener on the other side? I was just thinking about that today. How I'm happy here, but the second I see auditions for "urinetown" at scp I feel lonely and left out? But really, WHY am I jealous of doing a production that would have 10 people in the seats for every show? On a GOOD night!

okay I feel mean. sorry. :(

How are you?

Here are some questions I'd want to ask you today:

Are you ready for Taffeta wedding this weekend?

How's your sore throat/cough doing?

What's the next continent you want to visit and why?

what is LOVE?

"I don't even KNOW what I'm sayin' "

good morning star shine, the earth says hello!

so basically I'm looking to my left and there is a pumpkin, UNCARVED, sitting next to me. I want to cradle it in my arms and tell it he's okay, he's still alive, but NOT. FOR. LONG.

Today I want to roast pumpkin seeds! I'm just waiting for someone to do the WORK for me, which is gutting out the pumpkin..ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwww.

But realistically, the roasting isn't going to happen. I think this is because it's ELEVEN FORTY FIVE, and I've just woken up.

Scene.


LOVE YOU.

the secretary series

Katie took some pictures of my desk (and me) for my mom, and it turned into a "SECRETARY" shoot...

here we go:







I would say the best two things about this series are:
1) the desk's built-in bookshelf!
2) the "dumbing us down" book that I am reading! :)

Stories from Tuesday blah bloo blah bloo

Things I wanted to tell you from today!:

1) Your best friend, Michael Keck was a guest artist in my performance theatre class today:

http://institute.emerson.edu/cit/textv/events/michael_keck/bio.php

he's your best friend because he's taught at Stanford before...so THAT means you've probably run into him! :)

2) I'm soooo excted for "the nutcracker"...it's in quotation marks because it MAY or may not be happening, RIIIIGHT??!?!

3) I made brussel sprouts and rice and put it in my lunchbox and it smelled ALL day.

4) Bethany said something HILARIOUS tonight. We were talking about the media and somehow the idea of Disney came up and how the animators made the priest in "the little mermaid" have an erection. one of my classmates said something like "well the animator's defense was that it was 4 am and they were really sleepy so they didn't know it was a penis..."

then bethany said sarcastically, "because, you know, at 4 am *I* don't know what a penis is"...a 10 second pause..."and THAT'S why I have 4 children." she's so funny and dirty..it gives me hope that, I, too, can be a teacher!


5) I love you. :)



COOL.

1

Dear Ben,

Guess what? Ever since we decided to take "space" until Thanksgiving :), all I can think about is how I want to call you and tell you things. It's like asking someone NOT to think of an elephant.... NOT POSSIBLE! So this blog will now serve as a place for me to tell you things I want to tell you but can't so that's why I had to create a blog!

:)